Shepherd's Anatomy
by februaryk
Summary: My name is Ellis Shepherd and I have a lot to live up to. Grey's Anatomy OC. [DISCONTINUED]
1. Internship

My name is Ellis Shepherd and I have a lot to live up to.

"Ellis!" Zola hissed, shaking her younger sister who still lay in bed, the covers pulled up around her head in a little cave all of her own. Ellis groaned and pulled in the covers tighter around her. With one swift tug, Zola yanked the covers off of her little sister, who whined and curled up into a small ball, her eyes closed tightly. "Ellis! You start your first day today. You can't be late!"

Ellis rolled over, opening one eye to look up at her sister who was already dressed in her dark blue scrubs. Her dark, curly hair was pulled up into a tight bun on top of her head. Ellis loved Zola. Zola was the voice of reason. She had guessed this was because she hadn't inherited any of their mom or dad's genes. Lucky for her, people didn't tend to believe Zola when she said she was the oldest daughter of Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd. That was until Zola made them realize it with how incredibly smart and focused she was.

"Who's going to be pissed? Mom?"

Zola frowned, leaning over and grabbed a hold of her wrist, yanking a floppy Ellis out of bed. "C'mon, Ellis. That's the one person you don't want pissed. Mom won't favor you because you're the baby. You're going to have to work extra hard to show people you aren't just a name."

This woke Ellis up. Zola was right. She had to show them what she was made of, not her mom or her dad. She sat up and groaned, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. Zola patted her on the head and grinned. "Good. Now get ready. I'll see you there, okay?"

Ellis stood in the doorway of Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, staring up at the big cement building as people rushed in around her. She grew up here, with Zola and Bailey (who was now studying at John Hopkins), and she knew everyone, every place in the hospital. She saw death before it was best for her, sneaking into a room where a gun shot victim had gone into cardiac arrest. She watched nurses and doctors come and go but her 'family' was always there. Even Cristina, though she was so far away, and now she was here. Ready to start her internship at Grey Sloan, ready to face gossip and whispers and how people believed they just felt sorry for her because her dad, the famous heart surgeon had died. And then people would feel pity on her because her dad, the famous heart surgeon had died.

Taking in a deep breath, she stepped into the hospital lobby and made her way further inside.

The group of interns gathered in an empty lab, wandering around it, staring at all the instruments and bright lights and sterile equipment. Owen came walking briskly in, he still had that same quickness about him that Ellis remembered when she was younger. He glanced around the room and they all fell silent. Ellis took a deep breath in. She loved the smell.

Owen opened his arms as he greeted them all, "I'm Dr. Hunt, your chief of surgery," he started, "You are all starting on a great journey! Some will fail, some will leave, change your mind on what you thought suited you.." his arms had dropped by now and he looked at each of the interns, "Be good doctors. Save lives." The interns all began to shuffle out of the room, Ellis following behind. "Ellis!" Owen called after the last interns had left. He met with her just outside of the room and they began to walk down the hall, "Your mother said she'd be around soon to see how you were doing. Zola already said it was a struggle to get you awake this morning."

Ellis let out a laugh, shaking her head as they turned a corner, "Does the whole hospital know my business this morning?"

Owen flashed her a grinned as he stopped, one hand on a door, "We've known your business since you were born, Dr. Shepherd!" he said before disappearing behind the swinging door down another hallway.

Ellis continued ahead, stopping at the nurses station where there was a group of interns waiting in a circle. Ellis filed into the circle, looking around at each of them. As she did, a few of them turned their heads away, whispering to each other and staring back at her. Ellis couldn't help but flash them a fake smile and they turned their heads away quickly.

The interns were filed into smaller groups with residents leading them around, spewing rules at them as they all hurried down the hallway, flipping through patient charts and answering questions the resident asked them as they went from patient to patient. Ellis began to notice a trend, though, and when she tried to speak up with an answer she was passed over. It was frustrating but she took it. She didn't want to be favored here, but she also didn't want to be hated because of her name.

Ellis was glad when it was time for a break. She was even more glad when she was able to find Zola and plopped down next to her with a heavy sigh, her head sinking down to the table. "Rough day?" Zola asked through a grin. Ellis lifted her head back up, running a hand through her hair, "I know all the answers, but they pass me over like.."

"Like you don't deserve it" Zola asked, her eyebrow raised.

"I was going to say 'like I'm a Grey-Shepherd because we do know everything' but yes."

Zola shook her head, patting her sister on the shoulder, "You have to work for it, El! My first day I was ignored so bad I didn't have a surgery for a month!" Ellis mouth dropped open and Zola laughed, "They know your name, but they don't know you," she motioned between the two of them, "The nurses and residents go in and out of here like it's going out of style. We know who our family is here, and they know us, but we still work our butts off because we're good doctors, El." The two of them shared a smile between them and ate the rest of their lunch in relative silence.

Ellis said goodbye to Zola as she finished her lunch and got up from the table, her foot catching on the edge of the chair as she got up. She started to fall forwards, her tray flying out of her hands. But someone caught her by the shoulders, yanking her back up and an arm wrapped around her back. She looked up to see a man with dark brown hair and grey eyes smirking down at Ellis as he held her there in the middle of the room. It took Ellis a few moments to regain herself before pushing away from the man and cleared her throat. She tried not to look around the room as she was sure people were staring. Her face felt hot as she quickly and awkwardly bent down to pick up the tray and placed it on top of the trash can. "Er..thanks for the catch." she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Ellis quickly began to walk away from him, but he followed, grinning as he caught up to her, "No name?" he asked as he walked in quick steps with her. Her blushed returned and she cleared her throat, glancing over to him, "Uh..Ellis."

"Ellis?" he repeated, "Relation to.."

"Yeah," Ellis replied, grabbing a patient chart off of the nurse's station, all by trying to ignore him, "I mean, yes," she stopped, finally turning to face him once again. Now she was able to get a better look at him and boy, was he nice to look at. She cleared her throat, "Ellis Grey..grandma, Zola Shepherd..sister, oh, and my mother is Meredith Grey. Yes, I am that girl."

He flashed her a smile and she wanted to faint, now knowing the meaning of 'if looks could kill.'

"Ellis!" her mother called, coming up next to her, "I've seen you've met Dr. Bowen." Ellis looked up to Dr. Bowen and forced a smiled, extending her hand to shake his.

Dr. Bowen flashed another toothy smile, taking a hold of her hand and shook it. "Luke Bowen, the new head of neurosurgery." Ellis dropped her hand away from his quickly, shoving her hands into her pockets,glancing back and forth between him and her mother as the two began to talk. Luke would glance over to her every now and again and finally, Ellis held up her patient chart, "Well, nice to meet you. Mo-I mean, Dr. Grey, Dr. Bowen." The two of them smile and nodded to Ellis as she quickly walk away, and as Ellis glanced over her shoulder and saw Luke looking towards her as she walked away, she could only think: history doesn't need to repeat.


	2. A Beautiful Day

**A/N:** WOW! Thanks for the reviews and follows and favorites so far! I know there was a comment that Derek was a neurosurgeon, not a heart surgeon, and yes, I did realize that. I was thinking more of a history between the intern and attending but after thinking about it, it bugged me so I did change it. It did open a lot of doors to get some other characters in, though! Enjoy and please keep reviewing.

Ellis' week had been crazy. Between trying to avoid the attendings who knew her all too well (especially her mother), she struggled with not saying things to other interns who would stare and whisper as she walked by. She was just trying to do her job. She already knew she was a good doctor, maybe a little too cocky at times but by the time she was five she knew she wanted to be a doctor. She could remember sneaking out of the hospital daycare after being dropped off from kindergarten and wandering down the millions of miles of hallways. No one ever stopped a little kid from wandering down the hallway, they were always too busy.

She'd peek around doorways as interns and residents did their rounds and told patients bad news or news that they so longed to hear. She remembered every smell and sound and began to notice which intern was starting to crack under the pressure.

Richard Weber, retired finally, had taken her up into the viewing rooms above surgery's with Bailey and Zola. While some of the new doctor's who came in complained, the attendings' who had been there awhile never said a word. Callie would always send them away with some sassy saying about how children need to learn, though she and Arizona never brought Sofia up.

The hospital was home, maybe more so than her mother had planned, but there were people that loved her and her sister and brother. Either that or they just felt sorry for them.

"Shepherd!" snapped the resident who was in charge of them. Ellis's head snapped up. Today had been a lab day and she had fallen asleep in the middle of it. Her face turned bright red as she fumbled with the plastic human torso in front of her, catching it before it fell off the edge of the table.

"Yes! Sorry!" she murmured, shielding her face from her classmates as they stared at giggled in her direction. Ellis's hand ran through her hair, shifting around in her chair and sat up straighter.

"Now I know maybe I wasn't as enthralling to all of you," the resident, who's name was Claire Hudson, shot a glare in Ellis's direction before she continued, "But I hope Dr. Bowen can keep you awake." she motioned towards the door and in stepped Dr. Bowen, flashing a pearly white smile to the room. Ellis glanced over her shoulder and noticed the girls (and some of the guys) melting into their seats; stars in their eyes at they soaked in the sunshine that was Dr. Luke Bowen. Ellis felt sick to her stomach, at least, she hoped it was because he irritated her and it wasn't butterflies. Butterflies would be a very bad thing.

He spoke to the room about a few simple ways he entered the brain cavity for complicated procedures without having to remove the scalp completely. While it was all so fascinating, it was his closing remark that caught Ellis's attention.

"Well everyone!" he clasped his hands together, smiling broadly, "It's a beautiful day to save lives."

Her head snapped in his direction, almost exorcist-like. Eyes narrowing in his direction he must have felt the heat of anger radiating from her body because she almost instantly turned in her direction even before she spoke.

"What did you say?" she questioned, standing up from her chair.

"Excuse me, Dr. Shepherd?"

Ellis, scoffed, "Seriously, Dr. Bowen?"

Luke let out a sigh, looking a tad bit embarrassed now in front of the interns that he had just had in the palm of his hand, "Dr. Shepherd, your father was a very influential man in neurosurgery, don't you think we should keep his memory alive?"

She just stared at him in disbelief, did he really think stealing her father's infamous 'before surgery' quote would make him more like her father? Ellis was unlucky to never know him, but through hundreds of stories she felt like she did. Her mother had told her that she was the last gift that he wanted to give her, and that he had really wanted Ellis. When Ellis was younger she wished that he was alive. The stories that everyone told made him seem like a super hero and even Zola agreed, though she was lucky enough to be with him, Bailey was too young, but he still had the time.

"Excuse me," she spat through gritted teeth, storming out into the hallway. Dr. Bowen followed quickly behind her, picking up a short jog to catch up to Ellis, grabbing her gently by the elbow to make her stop. Ellis whipped herself around, and if they hadn't been at work, she might have had the courage to slap him right across the face. Instead, she curled her fingers into her palm, making a fist to keep from doing so. "What?!"

"Ellis-"

"DOCTOR Shepherd," she corrected.

"Dr. Shepherd," Luke corrected himself, sighing, "Listen I-"

"No, don't, don't apologize," she held out a hand as a sign to have him stop talking, "You envy my father, that's great. Enjoy his work..super! But when he said that it was part of him. That's how people knew HIM. He didn't steal other surgeon's ideas or, or..mannerisms or try and act nice to their daughter's to try and keep his memory alive. Sure, he was dead before I even hit the ground but do you know how many nurses told me that story of how what he said made THEM feel before working on a patient with him?" she paused, taking as breath, and Luke stood still, watching her carefully as Ellis continued, "They felt amazing." Ellis said the words as if she were in love, and finished her final thought with a glare, "You don't get to take that away from him."

Luke was quiet, but still watched her carefully. Their eyes locked in the middle of that busy hallway and it slowed down around them. She was supposed to be angry at him, but damn those good looks. That feeling of sickness came over her again and she knew this time it was those damn butterflies.

Ellis was thankful when her pager buzzed on her hip and broke his stare, glancing down to look at it quickly and cursed under her breath-code blue. "Google a new quote!" she told him as she turned on her heel, picking up a jog as she ran to her code blue patient.


	3. June

**A/N:** Once again, thanks for all the comments! I wanted to address something! I know a few people have asked for longer chapters and I will try! I am currently back in school, working an internship an hour away (so I drive two hours a day) PLUS I get up at 430am to workout and I have an almost 2 year old. I am pretty exhausted by the time I get home so if they are short, sorry! Please keep reviewing! You guys rock.

* * *

The worst part about being a doctor was dealing with patients families, that is, when their loved one was dead or you wern't able to save them in surgery. You had to keep a straight face, but still act like you care, or act like you didn't care too much. They would cry, or scream, or both. They'd blame you when you were just the messenger, or ask if you were the one who killed their loved one. It was too much emotion for Ellis to take in all at once, and she could never relate to them. When they asked if someone close to her had died and she would lie. After all, she wouldn't be born until 8 months after he had died. She would console them with a pat on the shoulder, staying only a few moments until she drug her feet back into the winding halls of the hospital. The parents of kids were the worst.

* * *

It had all started a couple days ago, Ellis was shadowing in pediatrics, thankful to be around Arizona, someone she knew and who was actually happy to see her. She met her in the hallway across from a young patient's room. She was suffering from a rare condition called Guillian-Barre syndrome that affects the nerves outside the brain and spinal cord. It is very rare, only affecting 1 or 2 people in every 100,000. She had weakness and trouble moving, and had a tingling sensation in her arms and legs. It would only get serious if the muscles in her chest were affected, making her unable to breath.

Arizona and Ellis came into her room, Arizona's infectious smile greeting the girl and her parents as Ellis told Arizona about the patient's stats and why she was here. Arizona nodded in approval at Ellis (which Ellis hadn't gotten from anyone but Arizona), "Thank you Dr. Shepherd-" Arizona started but was cut off by the the girls' parents.

"Shepherd? We had a Dr. Shepherd remove a tumor from my father's brain. Gave him a lot more years with us. So sad to hear when he died."

Ellis forced and smile, and Arizona did the same, glancing over her shoulder at Ellis for a brief moment, "Ah, yes. Dr. Shepherd is one of three offspring of Dr. Shepherd. All of them doctors, so you're in great hands!"

The little girl turned to Ellis, her skin a pale blueish color, something that was common in patients who had congenital heart problems. "Your dad died?"

"June!" her mother hissed. Ellis held a hand out, nodding to her mom that it was okay.

"Yeah, he did. Saving people, apparently."

"You didn't know your dad?" June questioned, tilting her head to one side.

"Nope. He died before I was born. Kinda sucks, huh?"

June gave a little shrug at Ellis, "Yeah," she mumbled. Her tiny little kid wheels turning in her head before she spoke up again, "Does dying suck?" Ellis glanced up to June's mother who now had her hand over her mouth as her daughter's question brought tears to her eyes. Arizona watched Ellis as she moved closer to June.

"I wouldn't know, and neither will you." Ellis paused, "And don't say suck in front of your mom!"

June giggled at Ellis' teasing and Arizona took over, explaining to the parents and June again what would happen during her surgery and what it would fix. They were going to repair some of the nerves and that Dr. Bowen would be the one to operate on her. As Arizona brought up Dr. Bowen, the devil himself came walking into the room, flashing that smile of his. Her shoved his arms into his white coat, greeting the parents and began to explain in further detail what he would be doing. He stood next to Ellis, his elbow brushing up against hers. Ellis knew he probably knew he was standing too close to her, and it was little June who said something.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

It was Ellis's cue to walk away from Luke and back up towards June, "No. He's all yours." June giggled again, hiding half of her face underneath her covers as Luke winked at the little girl.

Ellis was in charge of June's pre-op. She was alone in the room with June who was quiet. Her parents were out in the hallway with Arizona, signing some last minute paper work. Ellis wandered around the room quietly, making sure June's IV bags were full and the monitors were all working properly. The little girl watched Ellis as she moved around, reaching out and grabbed the hem of her coat, tugging on it. Ellis turned around, eyebrows raised for a moment in question, looking down at the little girl. "You need something?" she asked.

"What is it really like to die?"

Ellis sighed, looking to the door to make sure June's parents wern't in earshot and turned back to the little girl, settling herself down on the edge of the bed. "Well, my mom told me a story once of how she drowned, and she died. She was gone a long time..she said she saw all of the patients that made some sort of impact on her, and she saw her own mom."

"She came back?"

Ellis nodded, "Yes! She's strong. Like you. You have nothing to worry about."

June nodded, leaning closer to Ellis, "I think Dr. Bowen likes you. Sometimes when my daddy looks and my mommy like that I can tell they love each other." Ellis couldn't help but grin at the little girl's comment.

"Dr. Bowen is a stinky boy," June smiled big at Ellis's comment and leaned back onto onto her pillow, slithering around to get more comfy on the bed as nurses came in to finish what Ellis had been doing.

"I hope I get to be a good doctor like you, Dr. Shepherd." June said to her as she was wheeled out of the room. Kids always got to Ellis, it was one reason she knew she didn't want to be in pediatrics. Kids didn't get into gun fights or get sick on purpose by shooting drugs into their veins. They were innocent and said what they thought. Adults were the worst. They were harder to get close to and had more problems that they put on themselves. It was easier to get over the death of a patient than of a kid.

Ellis wasn't the intern on Dr. Bowen's surgery, but she felt compelled to watch in the viewing room. She couldn't help but notice was skilled Luke was with his hands. He was a good neurosurgeon, he looked confident and didn't seem to get distracted too often in the OR. She watched him carefully, and he lifted his head up to stretch his neck and locked eyes with her, long enough that a nurse had to urge him back down to earth. Ellis had to look around the viewing room to make sure that no one else had seen the two of them looking at each other.

Then the monitors went off. Ellis sat up in her seat, her heart in her chest as she watched Luke and the nurses jump into action, trying to get June's heart started again. They tried and they tried. Beads of sweat were dripping off of Luke's forehead and the edge of his nose. A minute passed. Then two. Time flew by, the monitors beeping and buzzing until the low, high pitched buzz came through. She had flat lined. She sunk down into her chair as it came over her that June was gone, and she wondered if June already knew she was going to die.

She was lucky that she didn't have to tell her parents she had died. That was Luke's job this time around. Ellis watched from around the corner as he broke the news to her parents. Her mother broke down in tears, falling into her husband who caught her in his arms, shedding his own tears. Her face felt warm and hot and wet. Touching her hand to her face she realized that she was crying. Crying in front of Luke no less who was standing in front of her, his face concerned at her state. "You okay?" he asked. Ellis became defensive, wiping her face and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I'm fine. I got something in my eye."

"Or you just got to close to a patient."

"I don't like peds."

Luke nodded, "Do you ah.." he motioned towards the hospital door, turning back to her, "Want to go talk about it over a couple beers, maybe?"

She kept her arms crossed, and couldn't help but have her mother's words run through her head from her word's of wisdom she would tell her growing up. Even as a kid she would tell Ellis not to hang out with strange, handsome men in bars, because those men would turn out to be attending neurosurgeons at the hospital you were interning at. As much as her mother wanted to give all of her children everything they wanted, she cautioned them about falling in love. She didn't oppose it, but she would tell them that her love for their father was so great she thought her heart would physically break out of her chest, and when he died she swore it did and it took her a long time to get back together. She had said that Zola, Bailey and Ellis were the ones that put those pieces back together.

Shaking her head of the memory, she dropped her hands into her pockets. "No thanks, I have a long shift tonight..intern grind. How about you just tell me about something wonderful and beautiful to perk me up?"

Luke smiled. Then he said her name.


	4. Never Settle

"He said what!?" Zola exclaimed, bringing her hand to her mouth to keep from spitting out a mouthful of wine. She choked it down, swallowing hard as she leaned over the table closer towards her sister. Ellis grinned, pressing the amber colored bottle to her lips and took a swig, setting it down on the table with a mild thud.

The bar buzzed with nurses and doctor's coming in after their shifts. Ellis and Zola sat off in a corner across from each other, Zola with wine and Ellis with a beer. Ellis found that their choices mirrored their personalities. Zola was the epitome of a protective older sister. She was well spoken and well liked and a great surgeon. She had begun a fellowship in the trauma bay and it fit her perfectly. Zola was calm under pressure and worked quickly. Their brother, Bailey, was fellowing at Johns Hopkins as a cardio surgeon. He was brilliant and had the looks and charm as their father had. But little Ellis had no idea what to do with her life besides 'be a doctor'. Their mother said that she got that from her.

The conversation about Luke continued, Zola thought it was all too humorous that her little sister had been flirting with the neurosurgeon. "I hope you don't plan on telling mom that you have a crush on the neuro-god." she teased.

Ellis rolled her eyes, fingers wrapped around the sweaty neck of the bottle, "I don't have the crush, he has the crush on me." she pointed a finger at herself and Zola scoffed, taking a sip of wine.

As the two sisters sat and talked, a group of doctor's came walking in, Luke buried in the middle of them. They were laughing and chatting about some sort of sports team. Zola noticed Luke before Ellis had and motioned towards the door, "Look, El, the neuro-god is here," she teased. Ellis twisted around in her chair, not being one to be shy. She saw him sitting at a table across the room, in the middle of his buddies looking like the life of the party. She didn't have a crush on him, did she? Ellis tried to reason with her brain, coming to the conclusion that she was only attracted to him. It wasn't a crush.

They met eyes through the hustle and bustle of bodies. He raised his glass to her, a charming smile following his hand. Ellis nodded in return, bashfully turning around trying to hide her face from him. "Can he still see me?" she whispered to Zola, holding up a hand to block herself from taking a sneak peek at him.

"I'm not blind, Shepherd." Luke drawled from beside her. Ellis lifted her head, trying to look shocked as she saw him standing there.

"Oh, well, Dr. Bowen! I didn't see you there!"

Zola stood up, wine in hand, "I'll let you two.." she moved her hands back and forth between them, "do whatever it is you do." Ellis reached out, mouthing for her sister to come back. Zola had turned around, walking backwards a few steps, pointing at her ears and mouthing that she couldn't hear her. Damn sisters.

Luke made himself at home, taking over Zola's chair across from Ellis. He took a shot of the dark liquor in his glass and pounded it down on the table, an ah escaping his lips.

"Gossiping with your sister about me?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"You wish."

Luke leaned in from across the table, his forearms pressed down on the table top as he tried to get as close as possible to Ellis, "And what if I do?"

Ellis instantly felt her face flush, heat racing over her skin. Her heart skipped a beat as he stared her down. The way he stared her down drove her insane. It couldn't be scientifically explained how when he locked eyes with her time slowed down. It made her mind race, trying to search for answers as to why this was happening. She could never figure out a reason why.

But, Ellis had to keep her guard up. She couldn't let some dream boat neurosurgeon whisk her away from all that she was trying to accomplish with her career. Forcing herself to sit up as tall as a tree she raised her chin to him, "Well, I am not interested, so you can just forget about it." Luke took the hint, though a small smile stuck to the corner of his mouth and he shifted backwards, leaning back against his chair.

"I wave my white flag," he confessed, "Friends, Shepherd?" Luke held out a hand to her. Ellis shoved out her hand in return,wrapping her fingers around his hand. Giving his hand a few good shakes she stopped, looking to him. He still had that look in her eyes she couldn't determine what it was. Clearing her throat she sunk her hand back, wiping it on her jeans.

"Friends," Ellis paused, "So I hope this means you can get me into the OR more."

Luke let out a short and loud laugh, standing up. "No favors!" he scolded. "See you around, Shepherd," he said with a wink.

* * *

 _Ellis was snug in her bed, covers pulled up close to around her chin, the sides tucked in around her. Meredith was busying herself around little Ellis' room, throwing toys into a toy box and placing books baed all of you very much, even before he knew you, he loved you. It took me a long time to find your father, and I was so glad when I did. Even when we fought a lot, we knew we still loved each other" a pause, "He told me once: 'you're like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning and you saved me.'" she sighed again, looking down to Ellis with a soft, quiet smile, "You find someone who thinks you're the fresh air. Never settle, Ellis." Ellis nodded, yawning loudly as she snuggled deeper into the covers. Her eyes were heavy with sleep but she would feel her mother move off of the bed and it make a creaking noise as she got up. Meredith moved around the room a little, whispering a goodnight to Ellis before a click, and the lights went onto shelves._

" _Mommy?" Ellis called softly. Meredith looked up, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she heard Ellis call out for her._

" _Yes?" Meredith moved to her bed side now and sat down._

" _Can you tell me about daddy?" Ellis watched as her mother's body language changed; tensed up at the mention of her father. But she cleared her throat and brushed away hair from Ellis's face, leaning forward to place a soft kiss on her forehead._

 _"Daddy loved all of you very much, even before he knew you, he loved you. It took me a long time to find your father, and I was so glad when I did. Even when we fought a lot, we knew we still loved each other" a pause, "He told me once: 'you're like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning and you saved me.'" she sighed again, looking down to Ellis with a soft, quiet smile, "You find someone who thinks you're the fresh air. Never settle, Ellis." Ellis nodded, yawning loudly as she snuggled deeper into the covers. Her eyes were heavy with sleep but she would feel her mother move off of the bed and it make a creaking noise as she got up. Meredith moved around the room a little, whispering a goodnight to Ellis before a click, and the lights went out._

* * *

Zola was back now, shaking Ellis on the shoulder to wake her out of her daydream, "Hey, space cadet? You ready to go, Ellis?" Ellis took another quick swig of beer, glancing back over to Luke's table as he laughed and talked and drank with his friends. He didn't look like he'd settle for anyone like Ellis. He was the whole package and Ellis? Ellis was just an intern who wanted to live up to all the expectations given to her.

A great big sigh escaped her lips, "Yeah, let's go. I have to be in early for rounds anyways."

The two of them left, Ellis never noticing Luke's eyes following her as she and Zola exited the bar.


	5. The Sun

"Ellis! Ellis!" a voice whispered harshly. A hand pressed down onto her shoulder, shaking her to get her to wake up. Ellis was groggy and out of it. She had had a night shift, finally crashing in the on-call room. "Shepherd!" the voice grew louder causing Ellis to sit up straight, knocking her forehead on the railing of the bunk bed. Cursing under her breath she winced, her hand pressing against her forehead. Her eyes squeezed together, blinking, trying to adjust to where she was at and who had been shaking her. As her eyes adjusted, she stood slowly, grumbling about how she was going to look like a unicorn now and found the person who had been shaking her.

Her name was Jenny Harris, one of the interns Ellis had started with. Jenny was quiet and and didn't do well with the louder, obnoxious patients, but she was to the point and liked facts over emotions. Ellis liked that.

"What? Who died now?"

Jenny rolled her eyes at Ellis' comment, "Huge wreck on the highway, a tanker truck exploded. Let's a lot of victims coming in." Ellis pumped her fist in excitement, grabbing a hold of Jenny's jacket and pulled her with her to the door as they both exited the room and quickly made their way down to the ER.

The ER was buzzing with patients. Pools of blood puddled underneath stretchers. People groaned and cried out in pain. The smell of alcohol and sterile instruments burned her nose and she inhaled even deeper. Jenny had gone off to help a man who had just been rolled in with a burned face and dislocated shoulder. Ellis caught the next patient who was wheeled in, walking with the paramedics as they rushed the woman with a head injury into a room.

"Maggie Simpson. Head on with another car who tried to swerve around the tanker. Her head was smashed through the windshield." One of the paramedics spewed out her information and before Ellis had a chance to grab it another hand reached out, snatching it up. Luke. He barely looked up, barking orders at Ellis to push drugs into her system and set up a few more Ivs. She did what she was told, working quickly. Ellis opened Maggie's eyes, shining a flashlight in them to see if there was any response and found none. Next, she checked her pulse and breathe sounds, shaking her head.

"She's barely there. Low pulse." she relayed back to Luke, wrapping the stethoscope around her neck again. Luke nodded, looking over to a nurse.

"Go tell the OR we're coming up. Shepherd-" Ellis looked up at him as he said her named, "You're scrubbing in. Let's go."

It was another long night for Ellis. The surgery lasted almost all night, and she couldn't help but feel a little sad that she had been taken away from the thrill that the ER gave her, but surgery felt much better. Being in the OR felt like home to her. Halfway through the night she looked up to see her mother there, watching Ellis work with Dr. Bowen, and she couldn't tell very well through the glass but she looked a little misty-eyed. She was exhausted by the time they had finished. Luke had managed to save the girl so far, but if she was going to wake up again they weren't sure. Her injuries had been traumatic and critical, but Luke had worked with precision and focus and Ellis couldn't help but feel attracted to the doctor. More than looks for her, it was the passion he had for what he did, and he sure had a lot of it.

* * *

"You did good in there, Shepherd," Luke commented as he removed his scrubs and gloves, tossing them into the hazardous waste bin. Ellis did the same, following him out of the OR and into the hallway, the two of them walking side by side.

"I held a scalpel and suctioned blood for you, but you," she took a breath, acting almost star struck as she spoke about how he handled himself in there, "YOU were amazing, Dr. Bowen." Dr. Bowen stopped short in the middle of the hallway, turning to face Ellis.

"I think you have that backwards, Dr. Shepherd," Luke murmured. Ellis was flustered, and to counter act him she crossed her arms over her chest, taking a step back.

"Stop looking at me like that!"

"Like what?"

Ellis fumbled for the words, and ended up making a jostle of movements with her hands when she couldn't figure out what to say, "I was complimenting you on your surgery, Dr. Bowen, not your.." she motioned towards his body but didn't say another word. Luke couldn't help but grin, following Ellis as she decided to keep walking.

"The offer still stands for a drink!" he said to her a little bit louder as she walked away from him and he stopped.

"In your dreams!" Ellis repeated.

"It's a deal!"

Ellis' face was flushed as she came into her mother's office, shutting the door quickly behind her. Meredith was at her desk and looked up as she heard the door shut. "Ellis? What's wrong?" she asked, eyebrows furrowed. Ellis walked to her mother, slumping down in a chair in front of her desk.

"Neurosurgeon."

"Oh Ellis.." Meredith started, a great big sigh escaping her lips. "You must take after me more.." she offered her daughter a soft smile, "Are you interested in him?"

Ellis scoffed, trying to look as shocked as possible, "Mother! No! I was frustrated with him because he just keeps on hounding me! I can't get away from him!"

"It seems to start that way," Meredith mumbled under her breath. Ellis hadn't heard her. "Don't let it defeat you, Ellis." she paused, "Cristina told me once..'he's not the sun, you are.'" Ellis frowned, knowing that Cristina had meant this about her mother and father though Meredith was trying to use it in a different context. She ignored what it was really supposed to mean and went along with what her mother was trying to use it as. "You are the sun, Ellis," she repeated, "You and your sister and your brother are gifted surgeons and I am saying this strictly un-biased as your mother," Meredith teased. Ellis couldn't help but smile at her mother's humor. After everything she had been through she managed to keep herself whole. Her mother was amazing.

"You sure know how to give a good pep talk."

Meredith nodded, "I sure do, now," she got up from her desk and headed to the door, opening it up wide, "Go save lives, my bright and shining sun!"

Ellis moved to her mother across the room, pausing near her to give her a kiss on the cheek and a smile. She wandered down the hallway, glancing to the pictures of faces on the wall. Richard Weber's photo came into her view and she frowned ever so slightly. He had died when she first started medical school, the closest thing to a father figure she felt she had, and she missed him dearly when he died.

Pressing on, she continued until she came to another photo: Derek Shepherd. Ellis turned to face the photo, her head tilted slightly to one side. She wondered what it was like for her mother to have to pass this photo every day. She wondered what it would have been like if he were still alive. Would she even want to be a doctor? She sometimes felt like being a doctor honored him, and if he were still alive she wouldn't need to. She wondered what his voice sounded like and how he moved and she wished she could see the way he looked at her mom like she described. She wished she were able to miss him more. To Ellis, Derek Shepherd was just a story.

"How about that drink now?"

Ellis cocked her head upwards to see Luke standing next to her. She pressed her lips together, the pause long and drawn out and still Luke waited for her answer.

"You buy," Ellis finally replied. The two of them walked side by side, brushing elbows as they walked down the hallway, "I'm still not going out with you."

Luke smiled crookedly, "You say that now."

* * *

 **A/N:** Anyone catch an old GA quote between Derek and Mer? ;)


	6. Know Me

**A/N:** Sorry for the shorter chapter, but I still hope you enjoy! Thanks for all the awesome reviews so far!

* * *

The sun flashed across her face causing Ellis to winced as the beam hit her, rolling over. She didn't hit a wall of pillows though, instead her body hit another body and her eyes snapped open. She could only see his back and before she could see who it was, she raised her covers to peek underneath. Yup. Naked. Pulling the covers back down over top of her tightly, she rolled up onto her elbow, propping herself up to peek over at the sleeping man next to her. Seeing who it was, Ellis's eyes widened. They felt so wide that they could have popped out of her head. She flopped heavily back down onto the bed. It was Luke. She waited, and every few seconds or so would inch closer and closer to the edge of the bed, ready to jump out once she hit the side, but then Luke rolled over, and so did Ellis. She rolled over right off the edge of the bed, taking the blankets with her. This in turn, caused Luke to way up, leaning over the edge of the bed to look down at Ellis who was now rolled up in her own personal blanket burrito.

"Morning," he mumbled, running a hand through his messy bed head. Luke acted rather nonchalantly about a naked, rolled up Ellis laying on what she hoped was the floor of his home. She stayed rolled up, not replying back to him just yet.

Ellis watched quietly as he moved away from her, hearing the bed creak followed by footsteps as Luke's feet hit the floor on the opposite side of the bed. From underneath, she could see him wander back and forth, until he walked into another room and shut the door. This was Ellis' time to flee. Scrambling up, she flung the blankets off of her. Stumbling, she kicked the blankets away from her legs while at the same time reached by her clothes that were laying strung about the room. She was awkward as she struggled to put on her clothes, fumbling around nervously as she tried to quickly dress herself before Luke came back out of the room. She had managed pants and half a shirt before the door creaked open. Ellis stopped, the shirt still over her head.

"Need help?" Luke asked, not waiting for her answer and came towards her, pulling her shirt down over her head. His fingers brushed against her skin. Ellis shivered, and as the shirt came down over her head she met his eyes. And then his bare chest. And then the towel wrapped around his hips. Ellis's face went bright red, and her hand covered her eyes.

Ducking underneath his arm, she tried looking away from him as she backed closer and closer to the door.

"Uh well, whatever we did I'm sure it was great! But, uh-I really should go. I have a long shift today and ..well, you know, dying people need me!"

"What about living people?"

Ellis nervously ran her hands through her hair, still glancing away from him as much as she could, trying to make it look like she hadn't just spent the night with the one person she didn't want to spend it with (well, maybe in _her_ dreams). "They can leave me a voice mail."

Luke smirked, shaking his head, "Ellis-" he started, but she cut him off with a heavy sigh, finally meeting his eyes.

"Luke. We both didn't realize what we were doing. I'm sure it was great but I already have a hard enough time with interns and residents giving me shit because I'm Meredith Grey's daughter. I can't be sleeping with the handsome neurosurgeon. I won't stand a chance."

He moved closer to her, "You think I'm handsome?"

Ellis tried to hold back a smile at his teasing comment, but it managed to poke through, "Shut up," Ellis grumbled, "I really have to go."

Luke nodded, stopping halfway to her, "I'll leave you a voice mail, then." Ellis stared back at Luke, wondering why he kept on her like this. She didn't feel pressured per say, but it sure felt like something, something that she wasn't quite sure of just yet. She wondered if she had said anything to him last night. She probably had been pretty intoxicated to not remember sleeping with him, or it was so bad that she blocked it out of her memory. She was thinking she was just drunk.

"Don't mess around with me, Luke." Ellis narrowed her eyes in his direction.

"I think I already did."

"You know what I mean. I'm not going to, to..mess up my career to worry about some," she motioned towards him, "guy who gets everything he wants anyway." Luke shrugged his shoulders.

"You're right. I am your boss anyways, we shouldn't let this get around."

Ellis nodded in agreement, "Yes. Good idea."

A heavy pause sat between them as they stared at each other across the room. Ellis opened her mouth to speak but Luke met her quickly, his lips crashing down on hers. He held her faces in his hands, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, standing up on her tip toes to meet his kisses easier. For what felt lasted forever, finally ended with both of them pulling away from each other.

"I have to go," Ellis breathed.

Luke dropped his hands and took a step back, nodding. Ellis gathered herself as much as she could and turned, finally making her way to the door. "Ellis-" Luke breathed out to her. Ellis looked over her shoulder at him, waiting for him to say something, "You're going to want to get to know me, Ellis Shepherd." Ellis couldn't help but grin, shaking her head and kept on walking.

"I think it's the other way around, Bowen!"


	7. Alone Again

Claire Hudson, the resident who seemed to despise Ellis, was on her tail again today. She was a bossy, an un-likeable bossy, too. Dr. Hudson seemed to Ellis to be a know it all, and even when Ellis or another intern would try to correct her on misdiagnosing a patient, she would just roll her eyes and tell them that she was just testing them and she really did know what was wrong with the patient. She had decided to put Jenny and Ellis on what Ellis considered 'grunt' work-enemas, blood work, stitches..everything you learned almost the first day in medical school.

Jenny and Ellis sat with their backs facing each other, working on stitching different patients who had decently large cuts on their bodies.

"Dr. Hudson sure seems to hate you," Jenny commented as she worked carefully on the man's wound. Ellis glanced over her shoulder for a moment and then back down to her stitching.

"I wouldn't say hate," she replied, pulling the needle through the man's skin, who winced as she did so even if he wasn't able to feel it with the shot she had given him before hand, "Maybe a strong dislike."

Jenny chuckled, "Strong being the key word."

The two of them finished their stitches in only a few moments, telling both of their patients the typical slur of words: come in to have them removed, watch for infections, and stop doing dumb stuff that would cause you to get stitches (though it was worded a lot nicer and professionally than that). They removed their gloves, tossing them into the trash can at the ends of their beds and Ellis flung open the curtain which they both walked out of and out of the ER. "What does she have you doing next?" Ellis questioned as they walked side by side down the hallway, coming to stop at the elevator to wait.

"Enema," Jenny groaned. Ellis nudged her with her elbow teasingly as they waited.

"Hey, then you can say you are the best enema giver in the hospital! They will give you a promotion and throw money at your feet!" Jenny let out a loud laugh, followed by her hand shooting up to her mouth from embarrassment. She reached over, smacking Ellis playfully on the arm.

"So not funny, Ellis." Ellis smirked at Jenny, looking to her before the ding of the elevator went off and as the door slid open Dr. Bowen was standing there. With the lighting of the elevator he looked like he just stepped out of a dream, or maybe a nightmare in Ellis's eyes. Jenny stepped into the elevator, greeting Dr. Bowen. Ellis hesitantly followed, trying to stand as close to Jenny as possible.

"Dr. Harris, what does Dr. Hudson have you doing today?" Luke asked, though he didn't bother to look back at the two of them while he spoke. His voice sounded even more authoritative.

"Enemas, Dr. Bowen," he let out a soft chuckle and turned around to the two of them.

"Why don't you scrub in with me today, Dr. Harris? I needed another intern anyways, I'm sure Dr. Hudson won't mind." Jenny smiled, nodding at him, "Why don't you go help prep the patient? I believe Dr. Hunt will be helping me today, he should have more information if you page him." She smiled, and the elevator stopped and dinged again. Looking to Ellis she mouthed the words 'sorry!' before stepping off of the elevator.

The door slid shut leaving the two of them in there alone. Luke had moved so he was standing next to Ellis now, and she knew exactly what he was trying to do. She shuffled away from him and he smirked, looking sideways at her. "You can't avoid me forever, Ellis," he told her.

"I can sure as hell try."

Luke shook his head, "What good will that do?"

Ellis scoffed, turning her body towards him a little bit, "Uh, it will keep me out of trouble! You're my boss! I am pretty sure this hospital has seen enough of intern-attending relationships to last them awhile and they don't need anymore!"

"So you've thought about it?" he asked coyly, raising an eyebrow with a smirk dancing across his face. She sighed heavily at him, not understand what he meant.

"Thought about what?"

"A relationship."

Ellis's mouth flew open gaping at him, "What!? No! You're putting words in my mouth, Dr. Bowen!" Luke swiftly moved towards her, covering the distance that separted their bodies. His hands snaked up her arms, squeezing them gently as he lowered his head down to her-and the elevator dinged. They shot away from each other like they were oil and water. Ellis's face was hot and red, while Luke looked like he had himself well under control.

She was the first one out of the elevator, and Luke followed, shouting after her: "We'll talk later!"

* * *

Back in the ER a few hours later, Ellis was almost done with her shift when a man came wandering in, holding his head. Blood had soaked through a towel he was holding onto it, pouring down his face. The older blood had dried onto his white shirt and was starting to cake in his ear. This man was familiar to Ellis-she had dated him while in medical school after all.

It took her a moment to digest that here he was, standing covered in blood in front of her. They had only broken up because Ellis became engulfed into school, and decided to choose school over him. "Ellis Shepherd," he grinned. Ellis moved to him, ushering him behind a curtain and onto a bed. She reached down, grabbing a hold of his legs and swung his feet up over and onto the bed. He winced as he laid his head down onto the pillow, "Didn't think I'd see you again."

"Well, I was planning on becoming a doctor, Carson," she replied playfully, "What did you do?"

Carson tried to smile through his pain, but it was over shadowed by a wince and a groan as he shifted around on the bed, trying to sit up more. "Ah, I was out biking on some wooded trails and caught my tire on the edge of a rock-flipped over and my head met another rock. I was close enough to the end of the trail to walk back and drive here."

Ellis sighed, "You could have suffered a concussion, Carson, you should have just called 911." She moved to his side, putting on the blue latex gloves and reached for the towel on his head. Pulling it off slowly, a big spurt of blood shot out, covering the front of her scrubs. She placed the towel firmly back down on his head. From what she had seen, it was pretty nasty and she was sure she could see part of his skull through his head. "Well, it's bad. Big rock?" she asked.

Carson winced, "Can't really remember," his answer caused her to frown, partly knowing she would have to call Luke down for a consultation.

"Listen, I'm going to call our neurosurgeon and plastic surgeon. We'll have to do a CAT scan and MRI and get you checked out further. I wouldn't be surprised if you needed surgery."

With the hand that wasn't holding the towel, he reached out, grabbing Ellis' free hand, "Only if you're there."

* * *

Carson had ended up being admitted into the hospital. Once they got the bleeding under control with a tube to take out the excess blood and had stapled him up as best as they could, Avery came by to assess him and make a plan. Luke followed, and the two of them chit chatted about what would happen to Carson. He had suffered a major concussion and had some bleeding on the brain. Dr. Bowen, of course, was confident (as was Avery). They had no worries for his surgery, but it wasn't until Avery had left and Carson began talking to Ellis again that Luke's body language changed.

"Do you two..know each other?" he asked, his face hardened.

Carson smiled, looking over at Ellis, "We dated a few years ago. She decided she wanted to be a doctor more than date me. Still looks just as cute, though." Ellis smiled, patting Carson's hand.

"Listen, I'll be back to get you ready for surgery, you just rest, okay?" Carson nodded, and before Ellis and Luke had a chance to leave the room, he stopped her.

"Hey, if I make it out of here in one piece, how about drinks?"

Ellis glanced sideways to Luke, who's jaw was clenched but he wasn't looking at Ellis. She felt so powerful in that moment. Why should it matter to Luke who she dated? They weren't dating. They weren't able to date anyways. She turned to Carson with a smile, "Sure, once you're better." He returned her smile and nodded and she as Luke exited the room.

They walked in silence, and suddenly Luke grabbed her by the elbow, pushing open the door into the stairway bring her with him.

"What the hell is that about?" he demanded, looking more flustered than Ellis had ever seen him.

"What? I can date."

"You won't go out with me, but you'll go out with an ex-boyfriend who has a gushing head wound?"

She tilted her head to one side, arms crossed over her chest, "Are you jealous?"

Luke rolled his eyes at her, "I don't get jealous, Ellis."

"Oh," her hands now moved to her hips, eyes narrowed, "So you're pissed because you don't get what you want," Luke didn't say anything to her. He looked just as frustrated as she was now.

"Forget it, Dr. Shepherd-" she cut him off.

"Oh, it's Dr. Shepherd now?"

Luke pointed a finger at her, "I'm your boss, you're right. We can't do this." The two of them stood in the bubble of silence that followed them around. She saw him hesitate, looking like he was debating on moving closer to her. She couldn't help but feel her body ache to have him wrap his arms around her, but she stood her ground. "You're not scrubbing in, Shepherd," he told her, stomping off to the door, "You're too emotionally connected to the patient." Ellis's mouth dropped. She wanted to scream at him how it wasn't fair, but before she could get another word in, Luke had left, leaving Ellis standing in the quiet, cold stairwell alone again.


	8. Just Stop

She hid around the corner of Carson's room after they had wheeled him back in after surgery. Glancing through the half closed blinds that slightly covered the window looking into his room she could see his face was swollen red and purple and black and blue. They still had the tube in his mouth and numerous Ivs were hooked up to him. Her eyes shifted to Luke standing over his bedside, flipping through his charts. His face was so serious, his jaw square and clenched as if he were biting his tongue.

His head lifted and the chart lowered, the paper flipping back all into one place. Luke had managed to spot her peeking in the window and now his eyes flickered, eyebrows forming a v-shape as they narrowed, frustrated that Ellis was still around, and waiting for this guy no less.

Luke placed the clipboard down heavily, coming out of the room quickly. Ellis had tried to escape the fury that was Dr. Bowen, but he was far too quick for her clumsy feet.

With his chest puffed out, he extended his arm, pressing open the door to an empty and dark room, herding Ellis as he did. The door shut with a thud and the clear click sound of the lock hitting the edge. "Why are you still here, Dr. Shepherd?" he questioned, motioning to the wall where Carson's room was beyond it, "I told you, you can't be involved."

She met his eyes defiantly, "Involved in his surgery or his care, Dr. Bowen. I can visit him all I want. I think you are confused as to what 'involved' means."

"I don't think I am, Dr. Shep-" Ellis cut him off, the anger bubbling down deep in her stomach. She could feel the frustration seep through her veins. Her face felt hot and her throat tightened as she tried to control her emotions the best that she could.

"We are not a couple, Dr. Bowen," she spat, "We slept together once, it was a one night stand. I hardly know you besides you being the handsome, cocky neurosurgeon who has a medical boner for my dead father," she stormed to the door, brushing elbows past him as she did. Grabbing a hold of the cool handle to the door she took in a deep breath through her nose and out of her mouth and turned back to him, "If you are trying to create some love story between the intern and attending to recreate some fantasy from the stories you've heard, then you need to believe me when I tell you I don't believe in fairy tales, Dr. Bowen." Her hand reached for the door handle again, but Luke's arm shot out, his palm pressing hard against the door.

He towered above her, turning his head down towards Ellis. The two of them stood there in the dark room, the low hum of the lights was the only thing to break the silence and stares between the two of them. His face was hardened again, which she was beginning to notice was something that happened when he was serious or thinking, but he still said nothing.

It was finally Ellis that spoke up, anger spilling out of her body and made into words: "I can't breathe with you looking at me like that so just stop!" His face softened as she hissed out in anger at him, and Luke couldn't keep himself calm and collected anymore.

His hands reached out quickly, holding the side of her face as his lips crashed down onto hers, and as much as Ellis wanted to stop him; she melted. Her hands reached up around his shoulders and pulled him down closer to her. Luke moved his hands down, placing a hand on either side of her waist to pull her even closer to him...then her pager went off.

Flushed and hot, Ellis pulled away from him, brushing her hair out of her eyes to look down at the pager at her hips. Her head shot back up to Luke, who was still looking at her. "You're sexually harassing me," she scolded. Her grinned wickedly at her, and she she opened the door and walked out, he followed, noticing how she looked back at him instead of looking into the room Carson was in, and the grin turned into a smile.

* * *

She spent the day rushing around between patients and traumas and was completely exhausted by the time her shift was over. She would walk by Carson's room every now and again, and every time, for some reason, Luke would be in there, and he would look at her, and she would scurry by. When did Ellis Shepherd become such a girl? It irritated her that some-guy-could look at her and her stomach would flutter. To her it seemed like such a teenage girl thing to do.

Her mother was at the nurses station, and she came up next to her, "I probably won't make it for dinner tonight with you and Zola..it's been so busy today, I might as well stay a little later."

Meredith looked up, looked around, and looked confused, "Do I know you?"

Ellis's heart dropped.

Meredith shook her head, "Forget it, have you seen Dr. Yang?"

She swallowed hard, trying to pick her words carefully. Her hand slipped down to her pager, buzzing Zola a 911 page, "She's..busy." Meredith sighed, frustrated with her answer. Turning and starting to walk away, she faltered a little, and stopped. Ellis came up next to her, placing a hand on her mother's shoulder. Meredith looked up again, looking confused and worried as she suddenly saw Ellis standing there.

"Ellis? Where'd you come from?"

Ellis placed a hand over her mouth causing Meredith to frown. Grabbing her mother by the elbow, she pulled her into a utility closet, shutting the door behind them. "Mom.." she started, watching as Meredith's face grew more and more concerned, "Mom..you forgot who I was," she choked out.

Meredith looked as if a wave of dread washed over her, her skin turned more pale. "It was..only time, Ellis. I knew when I was tested for the gene that it was going to pop up eventually." The door opened behind them, and Zola rushed in, her eyes wide.

"What's wrong? Ellis? Mom?" she asked hurriedly, looking between the two of them.

Meredith stepped between her girls, grabbing a hand from each of the girls and squeezed them lightly, "Zola..I forgot who Ellis was." Zola squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, trying to digest the news, "You need to call Bailey, Zola." Meredith let go of the girl's hands and moved to the door, but before she left, turned to the two of them, her face solemn, "Don't tell anyone, girls. Not yet."

Zola and Ellis stood there for a few moments as their mother left the closet, and Zola was the first to speak.

"What are we going to do, El?"

Ellis rolled her shoulders back, straightening out her coat and cleared her throat. She felt as if the world was now falling apart around her, and to hold it together, she had to keep herself together and hold the world up by her shoulders, "First, call Bailey.." she told her sister and left the room.

* * *

 **A/N:** _Dun dun dun! Sorry for the shorter chapters. I have been extremely busy and it's been hard to feel motivated to write. Short is better than none, I guess. ALSO, there will be more of a Carson/Luke/Ellis thing going on. I still can't figure out Luke exactly, and I like that (and so does Ellis ;) ) Thanks and please review!_


	9. The Chase

The office was stuffy and formal. Dark stained wood walls surrounded them from floor the ceiling. The desk was large and bulk, the same color wood as the walls. On the desk was a scattering of papers an folders labeled with patients names, pieces of x-rays sticking out of their manila corners. A few huge, heavy medical books of neurosurgery were placed off to the side, but there were many more in a book shelf next to the desk. Ellis was surprised that Luke kept such a formal looking office, he had seemed more of a rough around the edges guy, but than again, if she had taken the time to look around his apartment when she was there she probably would have noticed, but she hadn't really taken that time.

Meredith sat in a chair next to Zola, both of them wearing 'normal' clothes. Jeans and a blouse. Ellis was pacing behind the two of them, checking her watch every so often, and then looking to the door. Their brother, Bailey, was supposed to be here 20 minutes ago, she knew he was becoming such a fancy cardiologist but he could have rushed it a little bit for their mother.

When the door finally open she held her breath, but it was only Luke. Owen had told him, and he gave Ellis a sad look, though the two said nothing to each other. Owen followed in behind him, placing a hand on Ellis's shoulder as he moved to Meredith.

"Where is Bailey?" Zola asked, twisting her body around so she could see her sister. Ellis shrugged, checking her watch again.

"Probably feeling up a nurse.." she muttered under her breath. Meredith caught her comment and hushed Ellis, but that didn't stop Zola and Ellis from looking to each other with mischievous looks in their eyes.

Then the door burst open, and in came Bailey. He was almost a carbon copy of their father, or that's what Meredith had told them, anyways. He was tall, with dark hair and blue eyes and always seemed to carry a permanent smirk on his face. He was the golden son; perfect and intelligent. He made his way to Meredith, giving his mother a kiss on the cheek followed by shaking hands with Owen and Luke.

"Sorry I was late, I had a consult right before I was supposed to leave and had to take a later flight." Luke and Owen both brushed it off, and Luke sat down at his desk, while Owen stood next to him.

"I looked up your patient history and you had genetic testing done for the alzheimer's gene, correct?" Meredith nodded, staying rather quiet (which wasn't normal for her), so Ellis spoke up.

"Listen, Dr. Bowen. You don't have to sugar coat this for any of us, let alone our mother." Luke looked up to Ellis, over to Hunt, who nodded, and then to Meredith.

"There is..a very slim chance that this will go away. I know you and Dr. Shepherd had a alzheimer's test group years ago that was unsuccessful, and the only thing we can do now is watch it. From what you've said it was brief and hasn't happened before-"

"I know how alzheimer's progresses, Dr. Bowen." Meredith spat.

Luke let out a sigh, "Dr. Grey, I understand. My point is that though it was brief and could come on slowly or quickly, I've advised Dr. Hunt to remove you from any surgeries."

Meredith, Zola and Bailey's eyes went wide, looking around to each other, looking from some sort of answer. Once again, it was Ellis who spoke up, coming up to her mother's side, "You can't do that! She's the best surgeon you have! Hunt!?" Ellis looked over to Hunt, almost as if she was pleading with him to make Luke change his mind. Owen sighed, his eyebrows knitted together with that worried look he always had on his face.

"I'm sorry, Ellis. Dr. Bowen is right," he looked to Meredith, "I'm so sorry, Meredith. You have to understand the liability..and we aren't dismissing you. You just can't.."

"Preform surgery. What I've been doing my entire career." Meredith finished for him. Owen nodded slowly. Meredith stood up, thanking Dr. Hunt and Dr. Owen, though her thank-yous were not sincere. Zola followed after her, followed by Bailey. Ellis was the last, still fuming at Luke and Owen. With her hand on the door, she looked over her shoulder to Luke, who was trying his best not to look at her as she left, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

Ellis worked. She did her job, but she didn't speak to Owen when he tried to speak to her and walked in the other direction when Luke walked her way. Bailey had decided to stay awhile, working with Amelia as her cardiologist fellow for the time being. Amelia still was around, and knew what had happened with Meredith, but that was when Bailey told her, and not Meredith, which made Amelia upset with Ellis, Meredith and Zola for not telling her, but Ellis figured she'd get over it.

Bailey met up with Ellis as she was walking to Carson's room. She hadn't visited him in a few days, but he had finally woken up and his swelling was going down enough that he could open his eyes now. His breathing tube had been removed, and she had heard it was only going to be a few more days until he could go home.

"What's up with you and the neuro-guy?" Bailey asked. Ellis looked shocked, and quickly tried to change her expression and keep her cool.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm far from an idiot, El," he grinned, "You two have those..secret looks. The same looks nurses give me sometimes."

Ellis rolled her eyes as they neared Carsons' doorway, "Don't flatter yourself, Bailey. There is nothing going on." Bailey kept on walking as she stopped. Turning around, he began to walk backwards a few steps as he grinned mischievously at his sister.

"If you say so, Shepherd!" he shouted to her and turned on his heel, walking briskly down the rest of the hallway.

Grabbing Carsons' chart, she walked into his room. He was sitting up, a bandage wrapped snugly around his head. His forehead and eyes were still black and blue and purple colored but he was able to open his eyes. He smiled gently as he saw Ellis walk in, flipping through his chart. "Thought you'd forgot about me." Ellis looked up from the chart, shaking her head.

"Just have been busy lately, you know..doctor stuff." Carson let out a small laugh.

"Well I've had a splitting headache," he teased. Ellis set the clipboard down, grinning at him.

"Really? That's the best joke you have? I think I've read better off the inside of a sucker wrapper."

"Well, I can tell you more on a date." he pressed. Ellis's body stiffened a little he mentioned the date again. She had almost forgot about that. Fumbling with monitors and his IVs, she cleared her throat, but didn't look down at him.

"Carson, I-" as she was about to answer him with a 'no', Luke came wandering in to check on him. Ellis jumped into action, turning to Carson enthusiastically, "Why yes, Carson, I would love to go on a date with you!" Carson smiled and nodded, and began to rattle of places where they could go. Ellis looked over to Luke, who was staring her down from across the room.

"Ahh.." Ellis started, "You think of something and I'll be right back..I..forgot something.." Ellis rushed out of the room and who came after her but Luke. She made her way into the supply closet, wandering around, touching at supplies she didn't need but never grabbing anything.

"I get you're pissed at me Ellis, but going out with an ex-boyfriend out of spite? C'mon!"

Ellis glanced over at him as she wandered around and he followed, "Well, I don't know what you're talking about because I really was looking forward to the date." Luke swung around so he was on the opposite end of the supply shelf with her coming towards him. His arm was out stretched, leaning against the shelves, blocking her in.

"Stop, Ellis. Don't tell me there isn't something here." Ellis stopped, looking up at him with wide eyes. Luke looked back down at her, searching hers for anything she might offer.

"Of course there is.." she started, "We're in a medical supply closet. There's medical supplies here." Luke groaned out of frustration as Ellis ducked underneath his arm and continued on her way around the room.

"I can't figure you out!"

"That's the point!" Ellis replied.

"What..so you go out with patients now?" Luke asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What? Are you jealous?" Ellis asked, turning around to him with an eyebrow raised.

"I don't get jealous," Luke puffed out his chest. Ellis shook her head, running a hand through her hair.

"We had sex, once!" Ellis emphasized the 'once' by holding out one finger to him.

"Seriously, Ellis, just go out with me. Not some ex-boyfriend."

"No."

"You know..I almost died today," he started, "How would you feel if I died and you never had a chance to go out with me?"

Ellis rolled her eyes and began to wander again, "Get over yourself."

Luke took a few large steps so that he was in front of her again, his charming smile flashing at her, "Come on."

Ellis paused for a moment, and for that moment Luke had a look of hope twinkling in his eyes, "It's the chase, isn't it?" she questioned.

"What?"

"The thrill of the chase..I wonder why you are so hell bent on trying to get me to go out with you? You're my boss. You know its against the rules. You know I keep saying no. It's the chase."

Luke shrugged, that smile turning into an almost wicked grin as if he had been caught, "Well it's fun, isn't it?"

"You see!" Ellis sighed loudly, holding out her arm towards him, using him as an example of just what she was trying to get across to him. She dropped her arm, moving to the door. Gripping the handle, Ellis looked over her shoulder at him, "This is a game to you, but not to me." she paused for a moment, clenching her jaw, "Because unlike you, I still have something to prove." she spat, whipping the door open and leaving him alone in the dark.


	10. The Fool

Jenny and Ellis walked side by side together down the hall following behind a few other interns who were trailing after Dr. Hudson who was babbling off something that Jenny and Ellis couldn't hear. The two of them had become rather close. Ellis appreciated Jenny's straight fowardness coupled with her quiet confidence. She found that residents and attendings' tended to over look her because she was so quiet, but Ellis found that Jenny knew exactly what she was doing. Ellis found that she could confide in Jenny, and told her about her family and growing up in a hospital and going to school at Stanford. Jenny told her about her own family, growing up in the southeast and attending school at Dartmouth. Ellis liked that Jenny wasn't complicated as her own family life seemed to be. It grounded her in some strange way.

"Dr. Shepherd!" Dr. Hudson barked from the front. Ellis and Jenny exchanged looks and Ellis pushed through the small crowd, stepping up front as they kept on walking, "You'll be doing rounds with Dr. Torres today. She needs an intern." Ellis breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that she would finally be around someone she knew.

As the group of them came around the corner, Luke came walking from the other direction and Dr. Hudson's personality instantly flipped a switch. She smiled, battling her eyelashes as she saw him. Luke looked up and nodded in greeting to her, his eyes flickering over to Ellis for a moment before Clair stopped him, trying to make conversation, "Oh, Dr. Bowen. I'm excited to be on your service today! I heard you have a big surgery today."

Luke nodded, shoving his hands into his white coat pockets, "I do. Do you have any interns to spare?" he asked, causing the interns hands to shoot up, except for Ellis. Luke tilted his head to the side slightly, "Not interested, Dr. Shepherd?" he questioned. Ellis had to hold back a smile, shaking her head.

"I have Torres's service today, Dr. Bowen," she answered simply. Claire watched the two of them carefully, not looking very happy at the fact that Luke was having more of a conversation with Ellis than she was with her.

"Dr. Harris can help you today," Dr. Hudson interjected. Luke nodded and walked off. Claire led the rest of the interns away as Ellis and Jenny went the opposite direction. The two of them thankful that they were, once again, free from the iron grasp of Dr. Hudson.

Standing at the nurse's station, gathering their information for the rest of the day, Bailey came up next to Ellis, leaning over the edge of the counter with one elbow. "Ellis, who's your friend?" he questioned, leaning even further over the counter trying to get a better view of Jenny.

Ellis rolled her eyes, wrapping her hand around Jenny's elbow and drug her away from the nurse's station. Bailey followed, jogging slightly until he caught up to the girls, coming up next to Jenny. He extended his hand, "Bailey Shepherd, you may have heard of me?" Ellis rolled her eyes at his comment.

Jenny accepted his hand, giving it a firm shake, "Jenny Harris. I've heard of you from Ellis, so it's probably not the good stuff that you think it is." Ellis and Jenny shared a laugh between themselves, loving how Bailey grumbled at his misfortune, but he bounced back quickly.

"Well at least it's something to get you thinking of me, Jenny," Bailey winked at her.

Ellis reached over, shoving at her brother lightly, "Go away Bailey!" Bailey let out a laugh as he separated himself from the two of them, sending them a wave before disappearing down another hallway.

Ellis met up with Callie who needed a little extra help resetting some bones today. Ellis was glad to just be able to get back into an OR after feeling like she hadn't been back in ones in weeks. She stood next to Callie who was all too happy to be breaking bones. Ellis couldn't help but wince every time one crunched or snapped as she was resetting them. She could handle it, but ortho was not one of her favorite things.

"I heard about your mom, El," Callie said as she carefully used a scalpel to cut around some muscle.

"I forget it's gossip city in here," Ellis muttered under her breath. Callie asked her what she had said but Ellis replied with a simple 'yeah' to her comment about Meredith instead.

"I also saw Bailey trying to hit on some nurses."

"Somehow I think he got that from Sloan," Ellis replied causing Callie to break out in a smile under her surgical mask. Ellis had heard stories about Sloan from everyone just like she had heard stories about her father. Zola and Sofia had grown up together, and while Sofia went on to work in a private practice as a pediatric doctor, those two still managed to stay close. Zola and Sofia only grew closer after both of them had lost their fathers, and while Ellis was young she remembered the two of them would tend to stick together, leaving little Ellis to play by herself until Meredith or Callie or Arizona made the two older girls play with her.

"Here," Callie handed her a large drill, urging Ellis closer, "I need you to drill into the femur, here," she pointed with a gloved finger at the spot she has just reset, "We need to insert some pins to keep this bad body from shifting out of place." Ellis nodded, taking a hold of the drill and shifted closer to the patient. Callie directed her step by step and Ellis followed those directions. She felt as if she went off to another place, standing above the patient, focusing on only what she was doing. The world faded away around her and she felt at home. It all went smoothly, Callie praised her on the job she had done and they went on to have a couple more surgeries doing the same thing. It was the season from broken bones.

She was exhausted from the rush and the long hours of surgery. Ellis had found a chair just outside of the scrub room and had plopped herself down in it, her scrub cap still in her hand, her heavy eyes closed and her head tilted to one side. She felt her body start to fall further into sleep with something brushed the side of her face. Ellis inhaled sharply, her eyes fluttering open to see Luke bent over in front of her brushing strands of loose hair away from her face.

"It's not the chase," Luke said. Ellis shifted in her chair, sitting up. She balled her hand into a fist, rubbing her eyes to wake up more. A yawn escaped her body and she stood, making Luke take a step back and stand up straighter.

"What?" Ellis asked, a hand reaching back to rub the back of her neck.

"You and me. It's not the thrill of the chase. It's not a game."

"I have a date with Carson," Ellis replied dryly.

"Stop fooling yourself, Ellis," Luke hissed, his voice raised slightly. Ellis was a bit taken aback by his change in temperament, and crossed her arms across her chest tightly. She didn't know how to reply to him and instead of addressing the issue, Ellis walked away and without looking back she knew he was watching her go.


	11. How to Save a Life

It flashed across the TV screens with a bright red background, the words in bold and white: DIASTER: PLANE CRASHES INTO SEATTLE SUBURB. The hospital flew into trauma mode. Phones began to ring off the hook, surgeries were canceled. The ER filled with extra beds and blankets, Ivs and blood. April and Owen were in charge, hustling nurses to where they needed to be and directing lost interns. The attendings who could, came down as patients began to be rolled into the hospital. It was obvious from the first few moments that is wasn't going to be good. The amount of deaths were out weighing the survivors. Ellis dove into the bustling ER, trying to attach herself to any bed that came rolling in but was shoved out of the way by a quicker intern or attending.

"My son! My son!" a woman screamed bloody murder. It was a scream that Ellis hadn't heard before: a mother crying out for her child who wasn't there. She couldn't help but look over as they wheeled her in, trying to calm her down. She sobbed, words falling out of her mouth that didn't make sense. She finally lifted her arm out from under the sheets to show she was holding onto her sons arm. "He was right there!" she sobbed. Ellis had to look away, swallowing hard as she did.

Starting to move around the room she was suddenly pulled back by the arm, moving towards the exit. Luke had grabbed her by the arm and was pulling her along like she had no control over her feet.

"We're going, Shepherd." Ellis began to disagree, but he tugged on her harder, more aggressive than she had seen him be before, "We're going to the crash." he told her, pulling her into the nearest ambulance just before they shut the doors to take off.

Ellis took a deep breath in, trying to register what exactly had happened, "What are you doing?" she finally questioned, holding a hand out to one side of the ambulance as it bounced along, keeping her balance as best as she could.

"Saving lives, Shepherd."

She couldn't help but feel so oddly attracted to him in this moment. As inappropriate as it was, the way he spoke showed Ellis how much he loved being a doctor; having the chance to save lives and risk your own. Her heart fluttered in her chest, and it wasn't from the nerves.

The ambulance began to slow as they neared the outside of the crash site, and just before it came to a stop and Luke was standing halfway she asked him: "Why me?" Luke hesitated for a moment before he answered.

"I trust you."

The doors flung open and the sun blinded both of them for a few seconds as they hopped down out of the back of the ambulance. With their vision clearing it was now evident how bad the crash was. The small passenger plane had crashed right into the middle of a suburban area of Seattle. Dark grey smoke was rising high above the crumbled houses and flames that were licking the edges of plane wings and the sides of buildings that were no longer there. It smelled strongly of fuel, and the heat burned her skin from where they stood. Ellis looked over to find Luke wasn't there any longer, but when she focused more she could see the back of his head over in the makeshift bed area where they were assessing who needed to go where (of course, they all needed to go to the hospital, it was just a matter of which hospital).

She was hesitant; not sure who to run to first as the screams over took her mind, but eventually, Ellis began to work on instinct, pushing her emotions as far back as she could. That was until she-somehow-heard a small cry over to her left side. It sounded muffled as if it was buried under something and could faintly hear groans and gasps for air. Ellis set down the needle just before she was about to stick it into the wounded man's skin but stopped mid-way.

Luckily enough a paramedic came swooping by and she was able to spew out a flurry of words about what he needed and what she was doing before taking off towards the sounds.

Maybe she was going crazy, because the closer she came the further the noise sounded. Stopping, she realized that it was because the crunch of metal and ashes was far too loud underneath her feet. The engine from one of the wings still had a slight roaring sound to it, making it even harder to hear, but she swore she could her something...then she looked down, only to see tiny fingers sticking out of the ashes.

Her heart raced, and she got down on her hands and knees, the heat still lingering. Ellis began to dig, and then would hit a piece of siding or part of the plane and would have to pry it up. Beads of sweat rolled down her nose and fell into her eyes. She wiped them with the back of her sleeve she was wearing underneath her scrubs, which were now covered in a dark black stain. Ellis continued on despite feeling uncomfortable, and finally those fingers met an arm, and then a shoulder, and then an entire body. It was a little girl, crumbled up into a ball, one hand extended as far as it could reach, looking as if she had been trying to dig her way out. She was twisted underneath the rubble, making it difficult for Ellis to assess her properly.

Holding onto either side of her head firmly, she carefully began to swing her around without moving her neck. Once she was able to get the girl turned around she noticed her other arm was a complete mess, crushed beneath the weight of what had fallen on her. The little girl opened her eyes though, and Ellis breathed a sigh of relief.

That was short lived.

A loud creak groaned above her head, and then noticed one of the planes wings was teetering closer and closer to her. Ellis frantically began to dig more or the little girls body out. Her legs were damaged and she wasn't sure if she had internal bleeding.

"I'm Ellis!" she finally told the girl as her eyelids flickered up to her. The little girl coughed and began to whimper.

"Lucy," she choked out.

"Hi Lucy, you're okay!" Ellis reassured the little girl, holding her hand to the side of her face. Glancing upwards, she noticed the wing coming closer and closer and had to act fast. She quickly explained to Lucy what she was going to do and that it may hurt a little but she would be okay. Lucy cried as Ellis gently held her head as steady as she could and pulled the little girl out.

The wing began to fall and her leg became stuck. Without thinking she lifted Lucy up into her arms, having noticed that the little girl had been moving her head about and hadn't complained of any back pain, she had to weigh her options of possibly paralyzing a girl or having her die. So she had her in her arms and lurched forward at her waist trying to as gently as possible toss Lucy out of the way.

The wing fell, and Ellis saw black.

"Ellis?" A man's voice said her name, somehow sounding familiar. Ellis blinked, and she was in the hospital and standing before her was a face she had only seen in pictures.

Her father smiled at her softly, "Ellis, you're way too early to be here."

 **A/N:** Twisty twist! ;)


	12. Wake Me Up

The wing of the plane landed with a loud crash directly on top of Ellis's body just as she tossed the little girl out of the way. She had been near the end of the wing of the plane, so her body was still sticking out in place. A piece of the wing had fallen onto her head as the main part collapsed onto her, knocking her unconscious. A big plume of black smoke and ashes lifted up as it landed and Luke noticed.

He hadn't realized Ellis had been over there and now it was hard to see, the smoke becoming fog-like. A little girl's cries met his ears and she was there in front of him suddenly. Luke bent down, first checking the girl's pulse and asking her where it hurt and where she had been and if she was okay.

"Sh-she got me," Lucy cried, tears mixing in with black powder that was caked on her face.

"What? Who?"

"The pretty girl," Luke narrowed his eyes, looking around and then back to the little girl.

"Did she tell you her name?"

"Ellis."

 _Ellis sat on a gurney in the middle of an empty and white hospital room, her father standing on front of her. She ran her hand through her hair, confused._

" _I don't understand,"_

 _A smile lifted up a corner of Derek's mouth, "You look like your mother, but," he breathed, "you're too early, Ellis."_

Luke found her underneath the wing of the plane and called frantically for help. She was still alive but her pulse was low, he imagine she had some internal injuries and judging from the amount of blood on her head, a serious concussion. Firemen and paramedics rushed over. He first directed them to the little girl who was whisked away on a stretcher to a waiting ambulance and then they focused on getting Ellis out from underneath the wing of the plane. They commented how she was lucky it landed where it did and not directly on top of her head or she'd be dead for sure. Luke snapped at their comments, ordering them to hurry up and get her out of there.

" _You know, if I wanted to die, I'd make sure it wasn't this..in between thing," Standing up from the gurney, she moved carefully towards her father who was standing in the middle of the room wearing scrubs and his white jacket. "Can I assume this is a family thing?"_

 _Derek smiled, "Like I said, you take after your mother." he moved towards her, hesitantly reaching out to place a hand on her cheek, "I am so sorry I wasn't there."_

 _Ellis felt tears well up in her eyes and her own hand reached up, holding onto his wrist, but didn't say anything. A voice burst through their silence as if it was over a loud speaker. She could tell it was Luke, and he was telling Ellis to stay with him. They both dropped their hands from each other and Derek took a step back. "Go back, Ellis." The vision of him started to become blurry and fade in and out, looking like the static from an old TV, "Don't be ordinary, Ellis." he told her, "You are a good surgeon, but you can be a great surgeon with time."_

A bright flash of white over took her body and she felt like she was falling. Noises became more clear to her ears, the smell of the hospital stung her nose. Monitors beeped and the feet of people shuffled around her. Ellis opened her eyes. She was now well aware that her body ached badly. She felt as if she had, well, been crushed by the wing of a plane. The tube in her throat refrained her from speaking or making any noises so she turned her head to see who was in the room. She didn't see Luke just yet, but Zola, Bailey, and their mother were standing outside of the room. She turned her head to the other side and there he was. She saw his breath catch in his throat as she looked up at him.

"Ellis Shepherd," Luke breathed, placing a gloved hand on the top of her head, smiling.

* * *

 **A/N: Short, I am sorry! I have noticed people mentioning some spelling errors or grammatical errors here and there. If anyone wants to be a proof reader, please PM me. I get busy and sometimes rush through chapters because I have the ideas in my head and then write them out too fast.**

 **Also, why aren't some people involved in the story like Amelia and Maggie? I just don't enjoy them as much. Of course, they'll be mentioned and we'll see there here and there, but this is about Ellis's story, and the hospital has changed a lot of 25ish years or so. AND, yes, I know some of you are upset that Meredith has Alzheimers. She expected it. I also feel like Meredith would have explained to this to her kids when they were older, but as you can tell, Ellis tends to be the most emotional and 'heart-driven' out of the bunch. Maybe someone will come up with a cure ;).**

 **I also wanted to add some of the songs I listen to so far that I feel tell this story well.**

 **To Build a Home – The Cinematic Orchestra**

 **Wake Me Up – Boyce Avenue (cover)**

 **Chasing Cars (duh!) - Snow Patrol**

 **All I Want – Kodaline**


	13. Update

**UPDATE**

* * *

Hey everyone. Yes, I am still updating but I have been very busy with work lately and honestly haven't been very inspired. I am still trying to figure out where to lead this story. I have an idea for the characters but it's just a matter of story lines and figuring out the details. I should have a new chapter or two up this weekend for you, though!

I am also still looking for someone to look over my chapters before publishing them. If you are interested, please PM me.

Oh, and again, I have gotten comments about ''more Meredith!" This is not about Meredith. It's about Ellis so those we know and love so much from Greys make sneak peaks and help the story but the focus is on these new surgeons!

Please keep reviewing!

Thanks!

-Katy


	14. Giving Up

It had been a few weeks since the accident. Ellis fought her mother to be able to get back to work sooner than later, though nothing seemed to work. Meredith became even more protective of Ellis, and Zola had noticed her memory would waiver more now because of the added stress that Meredith was putting on herself. Ellis was racked with guilt, and sunk back into a depression of sorts. She felt right on the edge of bursting at the seams and couldn't decide if she wanted to cry or scream at the next person who asked her if she was okay.

The only thing that seemed to brighten her mood was the little girl, Lucy, though she had been hurt badly had ended up living. She let Luke take the credit for her life, after all, she had just rescued her from being crushed even more, but it was Luke who did the surgery that really saved her.

Ellis was thankful to finally be back at work, and threw herself into any case she could. The more patients the better. All she wanted to do was work to keep her mind busy. Of course, Luke wouldn't get off of her ass. He caught her as she was walking down the hall, her arms filled with charts and folders with x-rays.

"Dr. Shepherd, it's good to have you back."

Ellis shifted her eyes to one side to look at him for a moment, "Thanks, Dr. Bowen."

He followed her in silence for awhile until the two of them ended up alone in one of the quiet x-ray rooms. Luke followed her in, after all, it wasn't as if anyone would suspect anything. He was just the attending checking on the interns work. Ellis began to pull out x-ray, shoving it into the top of the clips that held it onto the wall. Flicking a switch on her left side, the lights flicker on, showing a patients fractured arm. She took a step forward to examine it better, but could feel Luke staring down the back of her head. Ellis swallowed, pausing before she spun on her heel around to face him, "What do you want, Dr. Bowen?"

"Ellis-" he started. Ellis cut him off, holding out one hand while the other held the folders close to her chest.

"Don't, start, Dr. Bowen," Luke opened his mouth to speak, and she cut him off, "No. Don't start with any sort of talk that you..'missed' me. I almost died, I saw my dead father and my mother is having trouble remembering us more and more..and you," she took a giant step forward, shoving the files into his arms. A few x-rays shifted out of their folders and fluttered onto the ground and their feet, "You!" her voice rose, pointing a finger at him, "You keep playing these games with me, and I am not a player in your game, Luke." her face was hot and flushed now and Luke stood in silence as she continued, "Figure out what you want. I am not the love-struck intern you want me to be. I am the sun!" Ellis stormed out of the room, leaving a still silent Luke standing in the middle of the room with only the x-ray lights on.

Ellis slammed into a body as she left the room. Mumbling apologies, she was met with a laugh.

"Watch where you're going, kid."

Knowing that voice anywhere, she looked up to see Alex standing above her. He and Jo had recently had a baby, and he had been taking some extra time off. He had always been protective of her, and Meredith had actually named him as Ellis's godfather. He taught her how to cuss and how to put someone in a headlock.

Ellis let out a giant sigh, throwing her arms around Alex.

"Oh thank God!" stepping back, she placed her hands on either side of his shoulders to get a better look at him. "How's Jo and the baby?"

Alex smiled, and whether it was genuine or not, it always looked cocky, "They're both good. You look like you've been in an on-call room," he nudged her playfully with his elbow, "If you know what I mean."

Rolling her eyes they began to walk. Ellis glanced over her shoulder to see Luke leaving the x-ray room and walking down the other direction. Alex noticed this, of course.

"New neuro guy?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Looks like a dick."

"So do you."

"Point taken."

Dr. Hudson came around the corner quickly, glaring the moment she saw Ellis, "Dr. Shepherd, where are those x-rays I gave you?" she questions, her arms crossing over her chest. Ellis took a step back, looking up to Alex who's eyebrows were raised in question. Her mouth opened into an 'o' shape. She had left them back with Luke and could only hope that he hadn't taken them with him.

"Oh, I uh-just had to check in with Dr. Karev."

Dr. Hudson nodded slowly, after all, Alex was an attending. "I need those x-rays ASAP, Dr. Shepherd," she told Ellis, holding back whatever else she wanted to spit out at her because of Alex's presence. Dr. Hudson nodded to Alex before turning around and taking off back down where she came from.

"Tough luck being an intern," he told her. She couldn't help but roll her eyes again at Alex (he had that way about him).

"Not like you were perfect."

He scoffed, "Pretty sure I was and still am!"

Laughing, she shook her head and said her goodbye's to Alex. She had still spoken to him while he was away, but hadn't seen him face to face in awhile. He knew about her mother and what was happening to her. Alex had been friends with her since they were both interns, and he was one of the first people she called to tell besides family. Despite what people thought of him, he was a good guy. He just came across as an asshole.

Scurrying back down the hallway Ellis flung open the door to the room to find a couple of other doctors' in the room. Whispering sorry and excuse me, she was just about to back out and shut the door when she noticed the files sitting on a table in the corner of the room. Quickly moving in, she snatched up the files and backed out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind her.

Moving over to the counter of a nurses station, she set the files down, pushing their edges together and moving folders into alphabetical order. As she flipped through the files to make sure everything was back in its correct spot and held them in the crook of her arm to take them back to Dr. Hudson.

* * *

Towards the end of her shift Ellis was burnt out. Physically and emotionally she felt as if she couldn't win. She had changed out of her scrubs and was wearing a pair of washed out jeans and a fitted white t-shirt. She never wanted to stand out except in medicine, and so far she didn't feel like she was living up to what she expected out of her self.

With a messenger bag draped across her shoulder, she was signing a few last papers and turned to leave when Carson came walking in. He looked much better, dressed from head to toe in a pressed navy suit. His tie was slightly undone and his hair a little shaggy.

"You look like you had a rough day," she remarked as she turned to see him. His face still had some slight bruising but other wise looked good. Pausing for a moment she asked him if he was okay, but then it dawned over her that she had promised him a date. Her hand shot up to her mouth for a brief second, "Oh, Carson, I'm sorry, I forgot, I-"

He held out a hand, cutting her off and smiled, "I think you had a good reason. I heard from Zola..I came to visit you but you were either asleep or really high on drugs."

She laughed awkwardly, "Yeah, that tends to happen."

"So listen-" he didn't wait for the awkward silence to follow her, "I know I asked you out, but I may have been in shock or something, but I am wondering now if you wanted to still take me up on that offer?"

Ellis was about to answer, and her answer was going to be 'no'. She couldn't handle these men anymore, not with what was going on in her life. But Luke appeared out of nowhere, shaking Carson's hand and asking him how he was doing. He was trying his hardest not to look over at Ellis too much.

"You look like a wreck," Luke commented to Carson.

Carson gave a chuckle, "Ellis mentioned that already. I am actually a medical malpractice lawyer but also trying to run for state senator hopefully by this next election."

"That explains the suit," Luke cleared his throat, "Did uh, you need anything?"

"Actually no, I just came to see Ellis." Luke looking over to Ellis, raising his eyebrows in question and then back to Carson as he continued on, "Yeah, I just wanted to see if she wanted to get a drink with me sometime."

Before Luke had a chance to comment, Ellis butted in, stepping in between Luke and Carson, "Actually, how about tonight? I'm off now." As much as she didn't want to see anyone, the fact that Carson made the effort to come see her and Luke hadn't made her angry, and besides, one date with a couple drinks couldn't hurt.

Carson smiled, "Sounds like a plan. I'll wait for you outside. Dr. Bowen," he nodded to him and Luke nodded goodbye to him in return. He didn't look at Ellis as she gathered herself to follow Carson outside.

"I didn't see you as a girl who likes a man in a suit," he commented, glancing downwards at her.

Ellis turned her head upwards to look back at him, "You don't know me like you think you do, Dr. Bowen," she told him.

"I think I know when you're running from something."

"Running from what? You? You are full of yourself, Dr. Bowen. And I've told you, you are my boss and I'm the intern and this can't happen. I want to be able to be a great surgeon without having to piggyback off of someone who already thinks that they're great."

"Fine," he threw his hands up as if he were surrendering, "I give up, Ellis. But because I'm giving up doesn't mean I still won't have any feelings for you, and even you can't deny that."

They were both quiet, and Ellis was thankful when she spotted Carson standing outside by his car, "I have to go," she muttered, brushing shoulders past Luke as she walked quickly out the front doors of the hospital.


End file.
